i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
