i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
