other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
