saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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