how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
