she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
