You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
