you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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