Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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