I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
