Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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