What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize