Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
