dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
