I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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