I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
