people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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