TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
