So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
