just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
