foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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