is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
