I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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