I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize