I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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