Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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