Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
