I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
