I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
