Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
