I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
