i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
