smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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