I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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