I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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