Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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