Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
