i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
