Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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