im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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