JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
