Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I love having hate sex.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
