I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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