Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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