just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
