you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize