im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
