girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
