i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
