Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
love makes seman taste better
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
