i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
