I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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