not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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