The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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