i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
