I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
