i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
