Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
