My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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