I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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