Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
