piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
