Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
