I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
