Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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