So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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