I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
