I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
