I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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