She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
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how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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